so many friends but how many have i connected with. alot of people pass through my life and only a handful are still around. even then, life distanced us. what can we do when we are alone.

i had the most loving person by my side for almost 2 years. now that she is gone, how do i cope with this feeling. a feeling i cant describe. lost, broken and alone, and i am the only one to blame.

25 years passed, what kind of man am i. i guess to some, on the outside, this bear of a man is happy and cheerful but really everyone has a side that only a handful ever see. where am i heading in life, this question baffle me every single day of my life. somehow after 25 birthdays, i feel im still afloat at the same spot.

am i a overtly negative person. maybe but i really cant think of things that i am proud of.

i am selfish, arrogant and hot temper. that why u left. you deserve better. i dont deserve you until im a better person.

all the nights staring at the ceiling, waking moment with emptyness and dread.

give me the strength and wisdom to do the right thing and be better for you, for me, for us.

you are the only one i want.

Today is a special day, i remember.

The 20th

i wish you are here <3

"just my heart in exchange for yours"

thats a line from the movie stardust, our "first" date. I just caught it again on HBO. Just got back from home earlier from Dom's birthday dinner at this wonder bbq place diodomon at United Square. Amazing dinner with wagyu beef buffet but of course it costly too. i just miss you so much and i got nothing else to say : (

talk to me soon pls

approx 206 days to go....... cant the time pass much faster

Suppose that I missed you
Suppose that I care
And suppose that spent all my nights running scared
And suppose
That I was never there

And my eyes are screaming for a sight of you
And tonight I'm dreaming of all the things that we've been through
And I can't hold on to you
So I guess I'll be lonely too

Suppose we were happy
Suppose it was true
And suppose there were cold nights
But we somehow made it through
And suppose that I'm nothing without you
Slow way down
This break down's eating me alive
And I'm tired
This fight is fighting to survive

Tell me a secret (I want it)
Tell me a story (I need it)
I'll listen intensively
I'll stay awake all night
All of me is a whisper (So don't leave)
There's nothing left in me (Please help me)
Not even my body is strong enough to fight (Let's make this right)
Please help me make this right

Suppose that I was wrong
Suppose you were here
And suppose that I reached out and caught your tears
And suppose this fight just disappeared

And my eyes are screaming for a sight of you
And tonight I'm dreaming of all the things that we've been through
And I can't hold on to you
So I guess I'll be lonely too
But I'd rather be here with you

It's a nice bright and beautiful day out there, and work ended unexpectly early. I had only came in at 10 but was told to leave at 12.30. So i find myself walking back home, a way to deal with all the feelings inside. As usual, i cant stop thinking about you, H**ey.

Not a day gone by, without you crossing my mind. I wonder how long this is going to last, at least another 7 months before we will meet again. What will happen when that day come. will you come back to me? I just wish you know how i feel right now. I am doing my best to give you the space you want for this year but it is not stopping me from thinking about you. I imagine you walking beside me, seeing you hop on the train at your stop, cuddling me to sleep and most importantly, imagining that smile of yours.

i have to admit i never felt so lost before, i know i loved others before but no one made me feel this way. I really hope our paths will meet again. Let me make things right this time and hold my hands til the end.

I am still missing you....

If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young and we both know
They'll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you

If the road ahead is not so easy
Our love will lead a way for us
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you